If You Wear An "I Voted Sticker" I Hate You

Hey Chaps. I hate you.

“I Voted.” The Ash Wednesday of Politics. Walking around like you’re a goddam elementary schooler with a sticker on strictly to show people that you “care” and you’re “making a difference.” Man get out of here with this shit. You know who can vote? Like fucking everybody. The dumbest people in this country are allowed to vote. The legit absolute worst bottom of the barrel people in this country are out there with you. From the paralyzingly stupid Lena Dunham Liberals to the the toothless hicks who believe God created humans. So congrats. You woke up this morning, waited in the cold, cast a vote with a 99% chance of not mattering, and now you can post a picture on your instagram saying you did just that. You didnt accomplish anything. You didnt achieve some feat. You didnt do something rare that only a few people can do. You pulled a curtain and punched a button and walked out and now you want a goddam medal for it. Wearing this sticker like we’re all supposed to be like “Wow man. Way to go. Really impressed. Super super impressed that you did something that takes zero skill that a bunch of inbreds in Kentucky are doing too.”

Now you can work in to your office with this terrible conversation starter and discuss it all with a coworker who really doesnt like you. Maybe you can tell them about the Marathon you also ran. Because thats another thing people really need to know about. Make sure you stick that on your bumper sticker because if you dont get “credit” for doing this kinda shit, you probably would never do it in the first place.

Get your 26.2 stickers and your I Voted Stickers and your Ash Wednesday Ashes and go apple picking in the fall and make sure its all on social media so that we all know how you live your life. Its very important everyone knows all this shit about you.